OLD, new, BORROWED, blue...SIXPENCE, too!

The origin of the familiar phrase "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" became very popular during the Victorian era, though this time-honored tradition actually has roots that can be traced back to Roman times.  This tradition comes from an Old English rhyme which has an interesting addition at the end that many American brides are unfamiliar with which goes like this…"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, and a Sixpence in Your Shoe".

According to original tradition, the first of the five items or "something old" represents continuity of the past moving into the future. The old item can be an antique, an heirloom object, or a sentimental piece that represents the bride's past. The 'something old" would often be handed down from a family member and was often a piece of jewelry or even a trinket that held particular significance to the family.

The second of the five items or "something new" represents optimism for the future and the new life the bride will share with her groom. "Something new" was frequently represented by the wedding bands the couple would wear.  Today, brides AND grooms often have a heavy “arsenal” of new items, if you will, to accommodate this line of the poem.

The third of the five items or "something borrowed" represents borrowed happiness. Ages ago, the "something borrowed" would be the garter of a happily married woman with the thought that the happiness and good fortune in her marriage would be passed on to the new bride. Today brides often borrow from a long-time happily married couple for this item, but it can also be something from a friend or other relative who is symbolic of happiness. (A NOTE TO THE BRIDE:  The borrowed item should be returned to the owner following the wedding day. It is helpful if one of the wedding attendants or mother-of-the-bride returns the borrowed item to the loaner to relieve the bride of this duty. A thank you note is always appreciated and appropriate when the borrowed item is returned.)

Finally, the fourth of the five items or "something blue" represents love, good fortune, and fidelity. This “something blue" came from the ancient Roman tradition in which the bride would wear a blue ribbon in her hair to symbolize fidelity. Incidentally, the color blue is also often associated with the Virgin Mary...go figure!  (A NOTE TO THE BRIDE: There are unlimited ways the color blue can be incorporated into the wedding day. Keep in mind there are many shades of blue and one may work better than another for the bride depending on how the blue item will be used. Some brides will not want blue to be a dominant wedding color and so they will prefer to limit the blue color to less visible areas.)

The fifth, and last, item traditional brides have with them on their wedding day is a silver sixpence in their shoe. The sixpence, which represents good fortune and prosperity, is traditionally placed in the bride's left shoe, but it can also be carried in the bride's purse or sewn into the hem or lining of her gown. Including a sixpence in wedding shoe remains primarily a British custom today, largely because after 1967 the sixpence was no longer minted and they became difficult to find.  Gradually, that part of the poem was deleted from the American tradition…but we are here to bring it back!  (A NOTE TO THE BRIDE:  Silver sixpence coins can be purchased from various online stores that sell them specifically for weddings, but many brides have found other ways to interpret this wedding custom by using pennies or other currency from various countries and carrying the item instead of placing it in their shoes.)

Just remember that the four (or hopefully, five) objects that the bride adds to her wedding outfit or carries with her on the big day are just good luck charms.  But please, don't stress too much about them -- they are little tokens of love that a mother, sister, other relatives, and attendants will give you to cherish on your day.  Some brides even gift themselves with the items…we have included a list below to help you accomplish this task:

Something Old 

- Use/rent a classic car for wedding day transportation

- Decorate with vintage silk ribbon or use it in the bride's bouquet

- Place an antique bookmark to mark ceremony readings

- Use a childhood pillow for the ring bearer's pillow

- Get a relative's handkerchief to tuck into your sleeve

- Display wedding photographs of parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents at the reception

- Find an antique tussy mussy (a conical hand-held bouquet vase) for the bride's bouquet

- Get a vintage purse to match the bride's gown

- Have the bride carry a childhood treasure she has saved (like a ring, bracelet, locket, etc.)

- Wear heirloom jewelry such as a brooch, earrings, a bracelet, a necklace, or some hair pins

- Tuck an antique hat pin into the bride's bouquet

- Sew a button from the bride's father's old coats on the inside of the bride's gown at the hem

- Give the bride a vintage compact mirror for her purse or a vintage pillbox with mints

- Get a champagne glass to  use during the reception from a relative's wedding

- Wear a headpiece, tiara, or veil that has been handed down

- Wear vintage white gloves

- Sew some of mother's or grandmother's wedding gown fabric or lace inside the bride's gown

- Display the parents' cake toppers or use it as the wedding cake topper

- Tuck a love letter saved by the bride's mother from the bride's father into the bride's purse

- Carry a wedding photo of parents or grandparents in the bride's purse

- Display a photograph of the bride as a little girl or carry it in the bride's purse

Something New

- Buy a new lipstick in a pretty shade for the bride to wear on her big day

- Purchase a new makeup bag or new purse to use on the day of the wedding

- Find a new charm for the bride's charm bracelet

- Select a new jewelry item to wear  at the wedding like a bracelet, earrings or necklace

- Treat the bride to a pair of new luxurious silk stockings

- Give the bride new lingerie to wear under her gown or on her honeymoon

- Get a sun parasol to keep the bride cool in between all of those photographs

- Treat the bride to a new haircut, new highlights, or new hair extensions

- Purchase a special guest book for guests to include a personal note at the wedding

- Drive a new car for the bride's wedding day transportation

Something Borrowed

- Let the groom borrow grandfather's pocket watch or have the bride carry it in her purse

- Include flowers from the grandparents' garden in floral arrangements or in the bride's bouquet

- Borrow father's silk handkerchief

- Use aunt's prayer book during the ceremony

- Borrow a long-time family friends' timeshare for your honeymoon

- Borrow the song from the bride's (or groom's) parents' wedding to dance to

- Have the wedding at a borrowed location like the bride's parents' backyard

- Use a best friend's strapless bra for the day

- Borrow a headpiece or hair baubles

- Use sister's silver knife to cut the cake with at the reception

- Wear borrowed jewelry from a happily married gal pal

- Use the same wording as the bride's (or groom's) parents' vows

- Borrow a book from the library that has a poem or reading that will be used in the ceremony

- Use a wedding attendant's sunscreen to protect the bride from the sun during photographs

- Borrow a button-down shirt or robe for the bride to wear while getting hair and makeup done

Something Blue

- Paint the broom blue or tie a blue ribbon on the broom for the Jumping the Broom custom

-Tie a blue ribbon around the rings on the ring pillow or place the rings in a blue box

- Use blue confetti shaped like hearts

- Wear a blue garter

- Wear a blue sash on the wedding gown

- Paint the bride's toenails or fingernails with blue nail polish

- Have the florist use blueberries in the table centerpieces

- Apply blue eye shadow

- Sprinkle the bride's skin lightly with sparkly blue body glitter

- Wear blue shoes

- Dress in a blue underskirt or petticoat

- Wear sapphire, tanzanite or aqua marine jewelry

- Use a blue-stone tiara

- Drive a blue car for transportation

- Carry a blue purse or clutch

- Pack blue lingerie for the honeymoon

- Get a pretty new blue scarf or handkerchief to tie around the bouquet

- Tie a blue thread around your finger

A Sixpence in Your Shoe

- Buy a silver sixpence from an online store to use for the wedding

- Use a coin from the country of the bride or groom's ancestry

- Get a mint coin for the bride to carry 

With Rings on Her Fingers and Bells on Her Toes (Well, not exactly...)

I am always looking for symbolism in all things wedding.  Recently I have been pondering the reason for wearing the engagement/wedding band on the fourth or "ring" finger of the left hand. 

You may be familiar, to some extent, with the reason the wedding band is worn there.  According to Roman belief there is a vein we have in our left "ring" finger which runs directly to the heart, which as we all know, is the symbol of LOVE. However, this vein, called the vena amoris, is found similarly in ALL the fingers of BOTH hands.  Wedding bands were  not exchanged in Rome until the later part of the second century, and engagement rings were often strands of hemp woven together and tied around the betrothed's finger. Other cultures, like the Gauls and Britons wore rings on their middle fingers.

Then I heard a beautiful theory (thank you Hub) that the Chinese have given as to why the wedding ring should be worn on the fourth finger. As the story goes :

Look at your left hand that your wedding ring goes on. The thumb represents your parents. The index finger represents your siblings. The third finger, or the middle finger, represents yourself. The fourth finger represents your life partner. And the pinkie represents the children you will some day have.

Now, place both of your hands together and bend your middle fingers together, leaving the other fingertips touching together as shown in the picture.

When your hands are as such:

Pull your thumbs apart (this represents the parents). Your thumbs will open because you and your parents are not destined to be together forever. At some point they will leave you in your life. Now put your thumbs back together.

Repeat the same motion with your index fingers (this represents your siblings). Of course your index fingers will also separate because you are also not destined to be with your siblings for the rest of your life. They will move on and have families of their own. Now put them back together.

Next, separate your pinkies (this represents your future children). Of course these will also separate because your children will not be with you forever. They will grow up to have lives and families of their own as well. Now put them back together.

Now for your "ring" finger (this represents your life partner). Try separating them as you did with the other. Can't do it can you? That is because your life partner is the one who is supposed to be with you for the rest of your life. They will be the one to be with you forever and through thick and thin.

To be honest...I think the inability to move the ring fingers apart has more to do with structure of tendons in the hand...but hey...who cares?  It's a lovely story... :)

LET THEM EAT CAKE! (or donuts, or jello, or crepes...)

frosted butter cookies

crepe cake with sweet cream filling

I am so delighted to meet with new brides and grooms and to discover the ideas and decisions they already have in place as they plan what will become one of the most important days of their lives.  I am even more tickled when a bride asks for vendor advice...I have the privilege of working with MANY TALENTED individuals in the wedding biz, and I don't hesitate to make referrals. Many of these referrals are for confectioners/cake decorators.

Traditionally, the wedding cake is as important to the structure of the wedding reception as tossing the garter and the first dance. And, as a result of reality TV shows like Cake Boss on channels such as the Food Network, the wedding cake is taking center stage.  From classy white cakes with fondant and floral patterns, to whimsical, brightly colored towers topped with anything from birdcages to baseballs, the wedding cake is considered a piece of art---even more---a reflection of the couple, the theme, the DAY itself.

frosted donut tower

rice crispy cake

But what about the bride or groom who actually dislikes cake?! An interesting point-of-fact is that many brides are asking me for alternate wedding cake advice! A few weeks ago, one groom sat across from his bride and said (very gently) that he was able to endure (and even kind of enjoy, because it made her so happy) the flowers, the silk brocade, the tulle, the favors and the other wedding frou-frou. But, he could not happily spend an absurd amount of money on a wedding cake when he did not even like cake!  His mother agreed, she had never baked him a birthday cake in his life as he opted, instead, for a pan of lasagna each year---but that's another blog for another day.

jiggly jello-cake

cotton candy "cake"

SO here are a few pics of alternate cake ideas.  I am certain if you ask your local bakery if they recommend someone or even ask the cake decorator you already had in mind to think outside the box and help you create something scrumptious that is truly a reflection of the two of you.  Hey, I love a good slice of wedding cake myself, but if the same stunning result can be achieved with alternate goodies to make your groom (or yourself) happier, go for it.  It is YOUR day!

Sticky Notes

As many of our couples are finding out, we strive to learn who you are before we write your ceremony. So many people that we talk to don't want the standard and want something personal. Hence, this little tidbit. We had found that one of our grooms spent the morning posting sticky notes all over the house with little love notes on why he loved his bride.
Following is an excerpt from that ceremony.

 I, Matt, take you Emily to be my wife,
To be my partner in life and my one true love.
Together we will create a home and a life that we can cherish.

I will love you as you are and not as I want you to be,
I will love you more each day than I did the day before.
I will grow old by your side as your love and best friend.
I promise to remember to leave little sticky notes all over the house now and again…
And I will cherish you for as long as we both shall live.  

I, Emily, take you Matt to be my husband,
To be my partner in life and my one true love.
Together we will create a home and a life that we can cherish.

I will love you as you are and not as I want you to be,
I will love you more each day than I did the day before.
I will grow old by your side as your love and best friend. 
I promise not to get too upset if you forget to put the sticky notes back where they belong…
And I will cherish you for as long as we both shall live. 

Even during the final blessing, I handed the groom a stack of sticky notes with pre- written love notes on them and asked that he never run out of sticky notes.
It doesn't seem like much really, but the guests, the bride and groom all loved the little bit of "them" written in. Granted, there was more about the couple than what you see, but I hope it gives you an idea of what we do and the effort we put into the ceremonies we write.

Put a Little Pep(to-Bismol) in Your Step!

It is that time of year again...sinus infections, sniffles, flu...I have been feeling VERY under the weather myself  this week.  I have three weddings to officiate this weekend, and I am certainly hopeful I feel better by then.  I don't want to ask them to repeat "I do" and instead say "A-CHOO!" Which made me think about what do you do if you wake up sick on your wedding day? It may be just a stuffy nose, the normal cold, congestion, a headache, a sore throat, or the worst--- raging diarrhea. But, it’s your wedding day–you know you can suck it up and make it through the ceremony and reception. But what about the physical manifestations of your ailment? What if you look like they had to dig you up to get you to the church on time?

This day in particular, you want to look and feel your best.  After months of preparation, you may ask yourself  "Why now?"...but don't worry, here are some tips to put color in your cheeks and a little more pep (pepto-bismol?)  in your step!

Red or puffy eyes–Get two small baggies and put a few ice cubes in them. Cover them with two fluffy washcloths and lay them over your eyes for 10 minutes. This will brighten your eyes up and reduce the puffiness by constricting the blood vessels.

Lackluster lips–Apply a rosy-pink lip gloss to your lips. The color brings a vitality to your pucker, unlike nudes, which can make you look corpse-like.

Red face–Apply a creamy bronzer. It counteracts the pinkness.

Cold sore–There’s no real quick fix here, but you want to start the healing as soon as possible. An over-the-counter medication like Abreva can speed the healing, and you can wear it under make-up.

OK. Now that you won’t look like the corpse bride, let’s see what we can do you get you actually feeling better.

Diarrhea–Relief is in your medicine cabinet or at the pharmacy. Immodium A-D, Pepto-Bismol and Kaopectate will all help stop the runs.

Headache–break out the extra-strength Tylenol, Advil, Exedrin, whatever you’ve got handy. 

Sore Throat–This tip comes from opera singers. Anything warm (not too hot!) and thin (like tea or broth) is good for relaxing the throat. You can add some things to your “hot water infusion” to increase the healing power like honey, lemon, ginger, cayenne pepper or licorice. If you’re a smoker–DON’T!

Bloating–Coated peppermint oil is a quick fix for abdominal pain, bloating, diarrhea and gas. Peppermint oil is available in capsule form.

Cold, congestion–Sorry. No quick fix. Take what you normally take for a cold, and be glad you can make yourself  look good despite feeling under the weather. Remember, anything containing Benadryl may make you very groggy, so choose a daytime decongestant very carefully. 

Now, get into survival mode and do whatever it takes to enjoy your day!

Who is That Cutie Patootie in the Tutu?

When you are getting married one of the exciting decisions is WHO to include in your bridal party. Your college roommate...his fishing buddy; you try not to offend those closest to you, but rather include everyone in some fashion.  Inevitably, the discussion will come round to the possibility of having a young niece, daughter, or daughter of a friend of the bride and groom stand as flower girl for your processional.  

Some couples choose to exclude children from their wedding altogether, and this is a decision that only you and your spouse-to-be can make. But, if you ARE open to the idea of having a flower girl you are embracing a centuries old and time-honored tradition that extends into many cultures. What, though, is the flower girl's purpose in the wedding? Why does she throw flower petals from a basket? 

The flower girl first made her appearance in Ancient Rome when she would carry wreaths of herbs and wheat down the aisle before the bride emerged.  The herbs and shafts of wheat symbolized prosperity and fertility for the bride and groom.  Back then, the girls wore white gowns that would probably be used for other purposes more than just the wedding. 

During the Medieval days, the flower girl carried garlic down the aisle which was said to ward off evil spirits.  Fast forward to the Victorian era, when flower girls began being dressed in white gowns to resemble the bride. These pristine (well, hopefully!) white gowns were adorned with a festive and colorful bow.  The flower girl of the "modern age" often sprinkles rose petals or carries a pomander or nosegay.  In some cultures, there are many flower girls, rather than just one, as is tradition in the U.S.

The flower girl symbolizes youth and innocence and is a reminder of the beauty, wonder, and joy of youth. This symbol is further suggested by the transition from young girl to stunning bride. This nod toward the rite of passage into womanhood remains a wedding tradition, as many brides include at least one special little girl as a part of the big day. 

Having children in your wedding is a show of love for children, especially the ones chosen to be a part of the wedding, and can symbolize wishes for future children to be had by the happy couple.  At one wedding I officiated at recently, the bride and groom already had a small daughter.  Lily was just shy of two years, and she was led down the aisle in a beautifully decorated wagon by her cousin.  She had a bit of stage fright and did not quite understand what she was supposed to do with the petals in her basket.  Then Grandma whispered to her to remember to sprinkle the flowers.  With eyes wide, she jumped out of the wagon and ran BACK down the aisle strewing flowers petals in big clumps every which way. The guests were delighted by her innocent, yet hilarious, little antics. 

In another ceremony, the processional of bridesmaids glided toward the altar as traditional wedding music played.  Then, as the flower girl stepped onto the runner, all music stopped.  As the flower girl of about 9 years of age made her way down the aisle, there was not a sound.  This was in stark contrast to the bubbly, bouncy flower girls we are used to seeing, but it was beautiful.  All eyes watched as this lovely young girl quietly tossed petals on the path for the bride. As the bride made her entrance, the music swelled again and everyone stood. I later found out that the DJ had not intended to stop the music, it was a glitch in the system and he was trying to fix it as the flower girl did her thing.  What a wonderful, reverent, poignant mistake!   

It is tender moments like these which build the fondest memories for everyone at the wedding, especially for the children you honor as a part of it.

A Notable Absence...

In 1986, my own world turned upside down when my mother and father died suddenly within a month of each other. It was a very difficult and uncertain time in my life, particularly since I was still in college.  I continued taking classes and graduated on time with my classmates, but it was not easy.  I once heard that grieving does not get easier...it is not a matter of learning to live with out the person, it is learning to live around the holes they have left behind.  
.  
Three years later, I walked down the aisle with my college sweetheart, but there was a noticeable absence.  I felt it when I was selecting my wedding gown.  I felt it during taste-testing cakes with my fiance'.  I felt it during the rehearsal dinner.  I felt it standing at the altar, and all spaces in between.  The absence of the two dearest people in my life was the elephant in the room.  My uncle escorted me down the aisle to give me away, and my sister lit the unity candle in place of my mother. We had as close to a traditional ceremony as possible...but still they were gone.  

It has been 26 years since that wedding day and still the bittersweet emotion is familiar.  Today, as I work with couples to create the perfect wedding day, I encounter brides and grooms who have lost a significant person in their own lives.  It is important to discuss the relationship they had with the person who has passed. It is also appropriate to acknowledge the memory of the person who has passed during the ceremony in some way.  This is particularly important to do so if it was a recent passing.

Some couples choose to silently light a candle in honor of the person.  Others will place framed photographs on a "Memory Table" at the reception.  Still others will simply hold a moment of silence for the person at the beginning of the wedding ceremony.  One of my personal favorite ways to honor the memory of a loved one is to carry something that represents that person or something the person once owned.  

Several brides I have worked with have chosen to pin a broach or wrap grandmother's necklace around the bridal bouquet, another chose her father's favorite song as her processional music. During my own wedding, I placed a photograph of my father escorting my sister down the aisle (She had obviously been married before me!) into the bodice of my wedding gown.  Just before I stepped onto the aisle runner I glanced at the picture...He would have been so proud!  I felt the presence of my father at that moment, and it gave me a sense of calm and security. I was, after all, still daddy's little girl...

I would like to close this post with a suggestion to anyone working with a grieving bride or groom.  It does not matter how many years before the wedding that the death occurred, it will still be a day of profound sadness mixed with the happiest of emotions.  Here is a sample from a recent wedding ceremony which I feel both honors the deceased yet captures the significance of the day:

"Let us also take a moment to recognize those loved ones who could not join us today; particularly, the beloved grandparents of the bride and groom.  We would also like to acknowledge the notable absence of Brad’s close friend Jason, who would have been a member of the wedding party today. 

Please join me in a moment of silence as we remember…

Although it would be easy for these absences to mark this a sad occasion, they would want to see you all so happy today, celebrating this new beginning and full of joy---We won’t disappoint them!!"

The Brochure of Wedding Day Decorum

I sometimes wish I could hand out brochures to everyone but the bride and groom at the beginning of a wedding.  Sort of a "How To Behave Yourself Because the Day Is About Them Not You"  decorum guide.  Of course, this brochure would have to come equipped with selflessness, empathy, and the knowledge when to keep one's mouth shut! (It might also include a breathalyzer test, but that is another blog for another day!) 

A wedding is meant to be shared.  If you are a guest at a wedding, you were invited because you are loved.  Everyone enters the space with emotion attached to weddings, love and relationships...literally for better AND for worse.

Today I officiated a wedding where there was quite a bit of family drama.  The cast of characters included ex-husbands and wives, a step-mother, a step-sister, a half-sister, several sets of grandparents, one grandfather who had to work and could not attend...there was  jealousy, intrigue, gossip, short tempers, and unfortunately, a frustrated bride who finally succumbed to tears.

Getting married can stir up a lot of emotions for everyone involved, but it is particularly stressful for the bride.  Not only has she spent a lot of energy trying to make everyone feel involved and not hurt any feelings, she has also spent countless hours listening to suggestions...From wedding decor to where to seat Aunt Edna, the process of planning a wedding itself promotes growth and change that can be very confusing and nerve -wracking. Many unresolved emotions about parents and family will come to the surface. What to do...???

It is important for a couple to recognize they are embarking on a journey.  Stepping onto a new path from one part of life to another can, in and of itself, create a wide range of emotions.  This is not an inner sign that the couple should not marry; but it is important to honor emotions and fears that arise. The fears and mixed emotions that go along with blending families are natural and it is important to be honest with yourself and your soon-to-be spouse during this time. 

Unfortunately, my wedding brochures have not hit the market yet, so you might have to withstand thoughtless and even spiteful comments about the bridesmaid's dresses or your choice of caterers.   If you do find yourself shedding a tear or two over a hurtful comment, remind yourself that tears on a wedding day are considered good luck! Above all else, please remember that the exchange of vows and celebration is about the two of you. The day is yours...the day is beautiful!

What To Do On A Blustery Day?

It was gorgeous...a simply beautiful 76 degree day with plenty of sun.  The wedding coordinator had the runner in place under the outdoor canopy and candles were set along the aisle to be lit when the time arrived.  The Unity Vase was positioned on the white lace-draped table and the Groom was preparing to take his place at the altar.  A few moments later as the music rose and the Bride stepped onto the runner, a gust of wind blew the candles out-- and worse---the Unity Sand vases were tipped over sending pink and brown sand spilling out over the table. As I reached for the vases I heard the Bride say "This isn't happening..."

But it was.  And it did.  And so the moment went on.  

No matter how many details you check off the list and no matter how many mini-emergencies you are prepared to deal with on your wedding day, you cannot dismiss the prowess of Mother Nature.  She doesn't need an invitation to your ceremony nor does she require a seat.  She can pop out of nowhere and leave you to deal with the surprise.  What do you do?  

You simply go with the flow, so to speak.  Do not waste your time feeling disappointed that it did not go perfectly as planned, but relish those little moments as memory-makers.  

When the time came to pour the sands together into one vase it occurred to me that the couple getting married had already faced some dilemmas together.  A couple truly in love standing at the altar has already pledged to one another to stay side by side for better or worse.  This particular couple had already seen their share of "worse" and so I felt moved to ad lib a bit...

"...Just like all relationships, it looks as though you have already spilled a little sand...Who here has not spilled some sand from time to time? It is what you do with the sand after the ceremony that makes a difference."

What did the couple do?  They made a half brown and half pink heart in the sand spilled on the table in front of their Unity Vase.  It made a delightful photo opportunity!  Afterwards the Newlyweds brushed the sand into their hands and, making a wish, scattered the grains to be carried off into the wind...It was better than any of us could have ever planned for.