Put a Little Pep(to-Bismol) in Your Step!

It is that time of year again...sinus infections, sniffles, flu...I have been feeling VERY under the weather myself  this week.  I have three weddings to officiate this weekend, and I am certainly hopeful I feel better by then.  I don't want to ask them to repeat "I do" and instead say "A-CHOO!" Which made me think about what do you do if you wake up sick on your wedding day? It may be just a stuffy nose, the normal cold, congestion, a headache, a sore throat, or the worst--- raging diarrhea. But, it’s your wedding day–you know you can suck it up and make it through the ceremony and reception. But what about the physical manifestations of your ailment? What if you look like they had to dig you up to get you to the church on time?

This day in particular, you want to look and feel your best.  After months of preparation, you may ask yourself  "Why now?"...but don't worry, here are some tips to put color in your cheeks and a little more pep (pepto-bismol?)  in your step!

Red or puffy eyes–Get two small baggies and put a few ice cubes in them. Cover them with two fluffy washcloths and lay them over your eyes for 10 minutes. This will brighten your eyes up and reduce the puffiness by constricting the blood vessels.

Lackluster lips–Apply a rosy-pink lip gloss to your lips. The color brings a vitality to your pucker, unlike nudes, which can make you look corpse-like.

Red face–Apply a creamy bronzer. It counteracts the pinkness.

Cold sore–There’s no real quick fix here, but you want to start the healing as soon as possible. An over-the-counter medication like Abreva can speed the healing, and you can wear it under make-up.

OK. Now that you won’t look like the corpse bride, let’s see what we can do you get you actually feeling better.

Diarrhea–Relief is in your medicine cabinet or at the pharmacy. Immodium A-D, Pepto-Bismol and Kaopectate will all help stop the runs.

Headache–break out the extra-strength Tylenol, Advil, Exedrin, whatever you’ve got handy. 

Sore Throat–This tip comes from opera singers. Anything warm (not too hot!) and thin (like tea or broth) is good for relaxing the throat. You can add some things to your “hot water infusion” to increase the healing power like honey, lemon, ginger, cayenne pepper or licorice. If you’re a smoker–DON’T!

Bloating–Coated peppermint oil is a quick fix for abdominal pain, bloating, diarrhea and gas. Peppermint oil is available in capsule form.

Cold, congestion–Sorry. No quick fix. Take what you normally take for a cold, and be glad you can make yourself  look good despite feeling under the weather. Remember, anything containing Benadryl may make you very groggy, so choose a daytime decongestant very carefully. 

Now, get into survival mode and do whatever it takes to enjoy your day!

Who is That Cutie Patootie in the Tutu?

When you are getting married one of the exciting decisions is WHO to include in your bridal party. Your college roommate...his fishing buddy; you try not to offend those closest to you, but rather include everyone in some fashion.  Inevitably, the discussion will come round to the possibility of having a young niece, daughter, or daughter of a friend of the bride and groom stand as flower girl for your processional.  

Some couples choose to exclude children from their wedding altogether, and this is a decision that only you and your spouse-to-be can make. But, if you ARE open to the idea of having a flower girl you are embracing a centuries old and time-honored tradition that extends into many cultures. What, though, is the flower girl's purpose in the wedding? Why does she throw flower petals from a basket? 

The flower girl first made her appearance in Ancient Rome when she would carry wreaths of herbs and wheat down the aisle before the bride emerged.  The herbs and shafts of wheat symbolized prosperity and fertility for the bride and groom.  Back then, the girls wore white gowns that would probably be used for other purposes more than just the wedding. 

During the Medieval days, the flower girl carried garlic down the aisle which was said to ward off evil spirits.  Fast forward to the Victorian era, when flower girls began being dressed in white gowns to resemble the bride. These pristine (well, hopefully!) white gowns were adorned with a festive and colorful bow.  The flower girl of the "modern age" often sprinkles rose petals or carries a pomander or nosegay.  In some cultures, there are many flower girls, rather than just one, as is tradition in the U.S.

The flower girl symbolizes youth and innocence and is a reminder of the beauty, wonder, and joy of youth. This symbol is further suggested by the transition from young girl to stunning bride. This nod toward the rite of passage into womanhood remains a wedding tradition, as many brides include at least one special little girl as a part of the big day. 

Having children in your wedding is a show of love for children, especially the ones chosen to be a part of the wedding, and can symbolize wishes for future children to be had by the happy couple.  At one wedding I officiated at recently, the bride and groom already had a small daughter.  Lily was just shy of two years, and she was led down the aisle in a beautifully decorated wagon by her cousin.  She had a bit of stage fright and did not quite understand what she was supposed to do with the petals in her basket.  Then Grandma whispered to her to remember to sprinkle the flowers.  With eyes wide, she jumped out of the wagon and ran BACK down the aisle strewing flowers petals in big clumps every which way. The guests were delighted by her innocent, yet hilarious, little antics. 

In another ceremony, the processional of bridesmaids glided toward the altar as traditional wedding music played.  Then, as the flower girl stepped onto the runner, all music stopped.  As the flower girl of about 9 years of age made her way down the aisle, there was not a sound.  This was in stark contrast to the bubbly, bouncy flower girls we are used to seeing, but it was beautiful.  All eyes watched as this lovely young girl quietly tossed petals on the path for the bride. As the bride made her entrance, the music swelled again and everyone stood. I later found out that the DJ had not intended to stop the music, it was a glitch in the system and he was trying to fix it as the flower girl did her thing.  What a wonderful, reverent, poignant mistake!   

It is tender moments like these which build the fondest memories for everyone at the wedding, especially for the children you honor as a part of it.

A Notable Absence...

In 1986, my own world turned upside down when my mother and father died suddenly within a month of each other. It was a very difficult and uncertain time in my life, particularly since I was still in college.  I continued taking classes and graduated on time with my classmates, but it was not easy.  I once heard that grieving does not get easier...it is not a matter of learning to live with out the person, it is learning to live around the holes they have left behind.  
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Three years later, I walked down the aisle with my college sweetheart, but there was a noticeable absence.  I felt it when I was selecting my wedding gown.  I felt it during taste-testing cakes with my fiance'.  I felt it during the rehearsal dinner.  I felt it standing at the altar, and all spaces in between.  The absence of the two dearest people in my life was the elephant in the room.  My uncle escorted me down the aisle to give me away, and my sister lit the unity candle in place of my mother. We had as close to a traditional ceremony as possible...but still they were gone.  

It has been 26 years since that wedding day and still the bittersweet emotion is familiar.  Today, as I work with couples to create the perfect wedding day, I encounter brides and grooms who have lost a significant person in their own lives.  It is important to discuss the relationship they had with the person who has passed. It is also appropriate to acknowledge the memory of the person who has passed during the ceremony in some way.  This is particularly important to do so if it was a recent passing.

Some couples choose to silently light a candle in honor of the person.  Others will place framed photographs on a "Memory Table" at the reception.  Still others will simply hold a moment of silence for the person at the beginning of the wedding ceremony.  One of my personal favorite ways to honor the memory of a loved one is to carry something that represents that person or something the person once owned.  

Several brides I have worked with have chosen to pin a broach or wrap grandmother's necklace around the bridal bouquet, another chose her father's favorite song as her processional music. During my own wedding, I placed a photograph of my father escorting my sister down the aisle (She had obviously been married before me!) into the bodice of my wedding gown.  Just before I stepped onto the aisle runner I glanced at the picture...He would have been so proud!  I felt the presence of my father at that moment, and it gave me a sense of calm and security. I was, after all, still daddy's little girl...

I would like to close this post with a suggestion to anyone working with a grieving bride or groom.  It does not matter how many years before the wedding that the death occurred, it will still be a day of profound sadness mixed with the happiest of emotions.  Here is a sample from a recent wedding ceremony which I feel both honors the deceased yet captures the significance of the day:

"Let us also take a moment to recognize those loved ones who could not join us today; particularly, the beloved grandparents of the bride and groom.  We would also like to acknowledge the notable absence of Brad’s close friend Jason, who would have been a member of the wedding party today. 

Please join me in a moment of silence as we remember…

Although it would be easy for these absences to mark this a sad occasion, they would want to see you all so happy today, celebrating this new beginning and full of joy---We won’t disappoint them!!"