I sometimes wish I could hand out brochures to everyone but the bride and groom at the beginning of a wedding. Sort of a "How To Behave Yourself Because the Day Is About Them Not You" decorum guide. Of course, this brochure would have to come equipped with selflessness, empathy, and the knowledge when to keep one's mouth shut! (It might also include a breathalyzer test, but that is another blog for another day!)
A wedding is meant to be shared. If you are a guest at a wedding, you were invited because you are loved. Everyone enters the space with emotion attached to weddings, love and relationships...literally for better AND for worse.
Today I officiated a wedding where there was quite a bit of family drama. The cast of characters included ex-husbands and wives, a step-mother, a step-sister, a half-sister, several sets of grandparents, one grandfather who had to work and could not attend...there was jealousy, intrigue, gossip, short tempers, and unfortunately, a frustrated bride who finally succumbed to tears.
Getting married can stir up a lot of emotions for everyone involved, but it is particularly stressful for the bride. Not only has she spent a lot of energy trying to make everyone feel involved and not hurt any feelings, she has also spent countless hours listening to suggestions...From wedding decor to where to seat Aunt Edna, the process of planning a wedding itself promotes growth and change that can be very confusing and nerve -wracking. Many unresolved emotions about parents and family will come to the surface. What to do...???
It is important for a couple to recognize they are embarking on a journey. Stepping onto a new path from one part of life to another can, in and of itself, create a wide range of emotions. This is not an inner sign that the couple should not marry; but it is important to honor emotions and fears that arise. The fears and mixed emotions that go along with blending families are natural and it is important to be honest with yourself and your soon-to-be spouse during this time.
Unfortunately, my wedding brochures have not hit the market yet, so you might have to withstand thoughtless and even spiteful comments about the bridesmaid's dresses or your choice of caterers. If you do find yourself shedding a tear or two over a hurtful comment, remind yourself that tears on a wedding day are considered good luck! Above all else, please remember that the exchange of vows and celebration is about the two of you. The day is yours...the day is beautiful!
It was gorgeous...a simply beautiful 76 degree day with plenty of sun. The wedding coordinator had the runner in place under the outdoor canopy and candles were set along the aisle to be lit when the time arrived. The Unity Vase was positioned on the white lace-draped table and the Groom was preparing to take his place at the altar. A few moments later as the music rose and the Bride stepped onto the runner, a gust of wind blew the candles out-- and worse---the Unity Sand vases were tipped over sending pink and brown sand spilling out over the table. As I reached for the vases I heard the Bride say "This isn't happening..."
But it was. And it did. And so the moment went on.
No matter how many details you check off the list and no matter how many mini-emergencies you are prepared to deal with on your wedding day, you cannot dismiss the prowess of Mother Nature. She doesn't need an invitation to your ceremony nor does she require a seat. She can pop out of nowhere and leave you to deal with the surprise. What do you do?
You simply go with the flow, so to speak. Do not waste your time feeling disappointed that it did not go perfectly as planned, but relish those little moments as memory-makers.
When the time came to pour the sands together into one vase it occurred to me that the couple getting married had already faced some dilemmas together. A couple truly in love standing at the altar has already pledged to one another to stay side by side for better or worse. This particular couple had already seen their share of "worse" and so I felt moved to ad lib a bit...
"...Just like all relationships, it looks as though you have already spilled a little sand...Who here has not spilled some sand from time to time? It is what you do with the sand after the ceremony that makes a difference."
What did the couple do? They made a half brown and half pink heart in the sand spilled on the table in front of their Unity Vase. It made a delightful photo opportunity! Afterwards the Newlyweds brushed the sand into their hands and, making a wish, scattered the grains to be carried off into the wind...It was better than any of us could have ever planned for.
